kids and the digital age

Want to start out this post by saying I'm fine. Completely and totally fine. Well, bruised and scraped up, but in the scheme of things, fine.

Yesterday, I fell partially through the attic floor. I was trying to get some holiday stuff and the load in my arms shifted. Trying to save the boxes, I misstepped onto a part of the attic with no flooring and partially fell through into the den.

One leg is scraped from calf to thigh, but that and some bruising are the extent of the injury. I am very lucky as I was home completely alone, with no phone on my person, and yet could extricate myself and get down to the couch without further injury. I was a little shocky after the adrenaline rush. But mainly, I felt foolish. After 20 years in this house, I know to be careful, but a moment's carelessness could have led to serious injury to me and a relatively big mess house-wise.

As it was, I rested and iced the rest of the day and then did my normal carpool run. It was only as we were turning onto our block that I told my kids what happened. The 8 year old reacted with sympathy. The 12 year old? Ran in, took photos of the gaping hole in the ceiling and emailed them to all his friends. There's no being quiet and dignified the way I would have preferred with a kid with a cell phone. Love ya too kid.

And I seriously love my husband, because he spent several hours last night patching the drywall so my den is no longer a giant conduit for all the heat in the house leaving and a giant entry for who-knows-what bugs and crawlie things.

Drama Incarnated

There's this woman I'll call Difficult Lady. She's older, in her sixties, and is a neighbor of my in-laws. She is on her third husband. She is not welcome at her daughter's house for any holiday because she is, well, difficult. She's opinionated and brash and argumentative. Other people's points of view are stupid and wrong and even though she's an immigrant herself, she firmly believes that immigrants are ruining this country. And all of these opinions are expressed loudly and firmly and anyone who doesn't agree with her 100% is evil and stupid.

A few years ago, Difficult Lady started inviting herself to our family Christmas Eves at my in-laws house. One year she completely and totally insulted and offended my sister, so ever since, my sister (and parents) won't go to my in-laws for Christmas Eve (we are all together Christmas Day at our house). I don't want to deprive my mother-in-law of her grandchildren on a special day, so my nuclear family still goes. Last year, I asked my mother-in-law to please speak with DL, and ask her to make a special effort. She did, and the result was that DL had a huge row with her husband in front of us all and then spent the rest of the evening saying how horrible he was. It was just Drama with a Capital D. DL clearly relishes being the center of the universe and one way or another, she's going to be.

This year, we wanted to spend Thanksgiving with my in-laws, in addition to our normal Christmas Eve at their house and Christmas Day at our house. We invited them over, and the MIL hemmed and hawed. Yesterday, we had the conversation. It turns out that she wants us to come over and be with DL and her kooky, equally crankpot husband for Thanksgiving now too. She feels so sorry for her as she has nowhere to go. Yes, this crazy, difficult lady has nowhere to go because her own relatives aren't talking to her! I don't think this is my problem!

I told my mother in law that for her sake I would spend one holiday with DL, but that I didn't think it was fair to spend both. I asked her to pick which one she wanted and she sort of stammered and made it clear that she thinks we should come for both. I countered that if she was looking for a way to get out of having Difficult Lady for Thanksgiving, to just tell DL that they were coming over here for the day (and then I could do all the cooking). But, DL has her hooks in my MIL but good, and she emotionally manipulates my mother in law so severely that she can't actually say no to her. So we sort of are at a stale mate.

So my question is, my friends, do I just put up with it? Being around this woman is never enjoyable; it's always awful. Why should all my holidays be spent with someone who is not a blood relative and who finds a way to ruin them, either by insulting other guests or instituting some drama? Or do we go over there for Thanksgiving and then make other plans for Christmas Eve? Or do we just refuse to spend any of them with her?

But, it's my mother in law, who I do love, and who is 80 years old and can't do confrontation. I love my husband; is doing this for his mother too much to ask? Or should I demand that I have holidays free from crazy drama of people who are not actually relatives (the relative drama you have to put up with)?

Help me figure out what to do!!!!

Life is Too Short for Mediocre Coffee

Meatballs are in the oven, so I have a few minutes to type rapidly while they cook.

• Wednesdays are a hugely busy day for me, so it helps to have dinner made in the morning. I am of the school of pre-cooking onions for the meatballs/meatloaf. I think it gets the moisture out and helps your meat creations stick together. Others put the onions in raw. I believe this is wrong but it's not a criminal offense and wouldn't be a barrier to our friendship.
  
• I have been drinking store brand coffee to try and save a little money. There was a trip to the ER and some dental work and I was trying to keep the month's budget balanced. I use the HEB brand (our local store) and I have to say, it's better than a lot of cheap coffees around. But, I don't look forward to my morning cup. It's more of an okay, hmm, coffee's ready. Not an anticipatory pleasure of the first sip. I rate it a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10. So, today I treated myself to local roasted coffee (within the last month) that I just love. Maybe that's not somewhere where I can shave off money? Anyway, suggestions of delicious cheap coffee to try would be welcome because I'll brew anything at least once.
  
• I tried this recipe from Pioneer Woman. Thumbs up all around from the crew here. Only difference was that I used the thinly sliced chicken breast offered at my store rather than pounding larger breasts.
  
• I sometimes have to chuckle with the way husbands and wives use the same language for widely different results. To me, doing the dishes means rinsing them and putting them in the dishwasher, culminating in turning on the dishwasher if it is full. To my husband, doing the dishes means rinsing the dishes and stacking them in the right side of the sink. He must think there's a dish fairy who magically comes in the morning and puts them in the dishwasher. Oh wait, I guess there is. Of course, to be fair, my idea of doing laundry means doing the washing and drying. Not the folding. That's a separate job and is pretty much his in our household. That's what he gets for being an engineer who can fold precisely and letting me know early on that I didn't measure up. Instead, an armchair full of clean clothes awaits his return from work. Of course, putting up the clothes is considered a third job and is pretty much up for grabs.
  

And now my house smells of deliciously browned meatballs. Must get back to real life. I miss you my friends!!!!

Mama learns a lesson

We've been having a lot of trouble with our soon-to-be 12 year old son. He's been distracted, sleepy, forgetful, etc. He can barely drag himself out of bed in the morning. His normal MO is to be up at 6, so this can't-get-out-of-bed kid seems foreign to us. And he has been forgetting assignments and having a hard time focusing. It's very un-mushroomhunter behavior.

Suddenly, last night, I remembered that we had had put him back on his asthma meds a few weeks ago and that we had experienced the exact same set of problems the last time he had had an episode during the school year (the problems are less noticeable during summer). We'd been pretty diligent about the asthma meds because we didn't want weak lungs during this swine flu outbreak.

Oh, she realized in a rush, this behavior is not his fault and he isn't the throes of some sort of strange and awful middle school phase. He's having a physiological reaction to strong drugs. Is it no wonder that illegal drugs can have such an effect if readily-prescribed drugs alter the body's chemistry so much? I really don't think enough attention is paid to side effects, particularly in a growing child. It's a delicate balance to get it right.

Now I feel bad about getting so mad at him. But hopefully the new organizational tools we've put in place to combat his lack of focus will be of some help to him, even after he has regained full use of his brain.

Santa Fe Update

I'll post pictures later, but just want to give a quick update.

We had so much fun. Our Santa Fe friends (old and new) are so warm and inviting. The event was great; the weather amazingly cooperative. We had a lovely, relaxing time (although my legs are still sore from hiking up a canyon at Bandelier).

And, grandpa-in-charge did fabulously. He managed to get each child where they needed to be on time (well, probably almost an hour early, but that didn't hurt anyone). Great job all around!

New Mexico Dinner Cornbread

I thought I had blogged this recipe at one point, but I couldn't find it. I really should tag my entries for easier searching, but I forget. Last night, I tweeted about it and had multiple requests, so I just decided to post it for others. This recipe is adapted from a great cause and a favorite cookbook, Seasons of Santa Fe. Buying this cookbook supports the work of Kitchen Angels, an organization that helps provide food for those homebound and in need. A friend of mine (Astro D for those that know her) volunteers there, and I'm thrilled to plug it whenever possible.

First, just a word about spice. My kids don't care for it; the husband and I do. So, to compensate and please multiple palates I do strange things. If your family is all on the same page, spice-wise, life is easier. But, in spite of the mini-contortions, it's a one-dish meal. Add a good green salad and you're all set.


Ingredients:

1 pound lean ground beef
1 medium onion
2 to 4 cloves of garlic, minced
spices, to taste (1 tsp ground cumin, 1 teaspoon oregano, ground pepper)
1 recipe cornbread batter (follows)
1 1/2 cups frozen corn
1 7 oz can green chile
1/2 cup cheddar cheese

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

Tonight I used a combination of mild italian sausage (not in a casing, the kind you get in a shrinkwrapped pack) and lean ground beef. It doesn't really matter which meats you use--this happened to be what I had leftover, already cooked in the fridge, from spaghetti a few nights ago. You want to saute a combined total of about a pound of meat, with the medium onion, thinly diced (this meat actually also had finally diced carrots in it as well). Add garlic and whatever spicing your family likes, and cook for a few more minutes. If everyone likes green chiles add one 7 oz can when you add the spices, otherwise stay tuned. Drain the fat, and then set aside.

Cornbread recipe
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup corn meal
1/4 cup sugar (you can use less, but I always use at least 1/8 c because that's how we do it in the South)
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 c skim milk
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 egg, beaten


To the cornbread mixture, add 1 1/2 cups frozen corn. Oil a 8x8 pan (or 9x9) or a cast iron skillet--your preference. Add half of the corn/cornbread mixture. Sprinkle the meat mixture evenly on top of the cornbread batter. Then, add the green chiles. I put chiles only on half of the cornbread dish because the small people who inhabit the house have not yet developed their taste for spice (I reserve a few so I can put them on top to mark the boundary of the chile side and don't get them mixed up).

Next, sprinkle the cheese evenly over the meat mixture; finally, top with the remaining cornbread batter. Bake for 50 minutes until lightly golden. You can garnish with sour cream or salsa. My husband and I like green chile enchilada sauce poured over the top, but the children once again are suspicious of that green spicy stuff (which isn't even that spicy). They like theirs plain. One dish, multiple tastes. Everyone eats happily.

You can vary the meats and vegetables, and it's a surprisingly versatile dish. The kids like it a lot. A good way to use up odds-and-ends leftover meat and vegetables as you can vary what you include and change the spicing to fit the ingredients. It feeds all four of us, with plenty of leftovers.

Upsy Daisy

School starts next week. We're trying to get on a more school-friendly sleep schedule than the later nights and sleepy mornings we've been indulging in over the course of the summer.

My older son is a morning person. He has been going to lacrosse camp this week, which means he needs to be at the junior high at 7:30 am. This hasn't been a problem for him, as he's been up by 6:15 every morning this week. Thanks to lacrosse, soccer and the 90-degree plus heat, he's been going to sleep fairly easily too--completely zonked out at 8:30 pm last night.

My younger son is a night owl. He has trouble sleeping at night, and he likes nothing more than to stay in bed until 9 am, drowsily waking up and lolling in bed. So to acclimate him, I've been getting him up 15 minutes earlier each morning. Today was 7:30...tomorrow 7:15...then 7:00....until we hit the 6:45 that is required if he is to leave the house at 7:20 for school.

Shifting away from summer is brutal for us all. I was asleep myself at 9:30 last night because I've been getting up at 6am to get the lacrosse stuff ready. I love the lazier tempo of summer and I'm mourning it coming to an end. Summer is hot and sultry around here, but that just adds to the slower pace of our life that I find so enjoyable during those months.

Difficult People

I've started doing some freelance writing for a new client. After I quit my job, I did quite a bit of freelancing. But I found it was hard to manage--I couldn't get the kids settled and everything organized to make it work. So, I pretty much stopped, other than a few long-term clients that I've worked for sporadically over the years. But, I've toyed with going back to work part-time or working harder to add new clients now that the boys are older and it's easier to entertain them while I work at home (and they're in school much of the year). This year, thanks to the economy, the husband is not anticipating a bonus at the end of the year. We use that bonus money to pay for extras for the kids throughout the year, so any money I could earn would be a help.

This new client sort of fell in my lap, and I finished my first project for them last week. It was a grant, and my primary background and field is non-profit marketing and communications. I hadn't actually written a grant in over 15 years, but it seemed like a good fit. I liked all of the people at the organization and it seemed like a good place doing good work.

But (and of course there's always a but), the personal dynamics of the situation were crazy. My liaison, who I truly liked on first meeting, turned out to be a first-rate sabotageur. I didn't get all the information I needed; and I couldn't get feedback on work partially finished until the very last minute when we were in danger of not meeting the deadline. But completely worse and extremely difficult from my point of view--she flat-out lied to others about what I had been told and what information I had been given. I considered quitting part-way through, but I decided I needed to suck it up and finish. I was proud of the job I did, because my contact made that assignment easily twice as hard as it needed to be.

And now, there's apparently more work. I was kind of torn, because that would be plunging back into the dragon's den. But, simply because of the money and because I'm just starting out again, I want to try and make it work. My husband has said I can vent to him if need be.

But I'm curious if others have tricks for working with particularly difficult people who seem nice on the surface but turn out to be all kinds of crazy beneath that surface. I've figured out I need to write down and keep a log of absolutely everything that is said. But how else do I manage this situation a little more proactively to keep myself from going nuts?

Small Gifts

I had to sort of relearn an old lesson recently.

A week ago Sunday was my birthday. The husband and I had an agreement that there'd be no presents. We just bought a refrigerator and I want to go on a weekend trip next month, so I didn't want to spend the money. It's better that way anyway. I learned with my husband long ago that he gets really stressed out picking gifts. That used to mean that he'd overthink it and I wouldn't get anything. The first few years, I found this royally upsetting. But then, I realized that I'd rather have someone who is thoughtful every other day of the year than someone who makes a big deal once a year. My husband is the kind that gets down on the floor and plays with the kids, the kind who folds laundry without complaining, and the kind who'll take my car to get washed just because. I've learned to really appreciate that sort of generosity of spirit.

Most of my friends have switched to email and ecards. Which is fine, I do it too. But there's nothing to open. And I'm sort of a bit over-the-top about my birthday and I love to have a present to open.

But, because of that, I was sort of counting on my family to come through with birthday acknowledgements--presents, cards, the like. First was a call from my mother-in-law, letting me know that she was sending me something, but it'd be a little late. But there was still my parents and sister, right? Saturday's mail came and went, with no cards, no presents, no anything.

I admit it, I let it get to me. In fact, I sort of got in a funk about it. So when they called on my actual birthday, I didn't pick up the phone and talk to them. It was such an immature thing to do and honestly, it didn't make me feel any better. But I was nursing my little hurt. I am not at all proud of how I felt and how I let it affect me.

And then birthday night, my girlfriend who I was hoping would go to Santa Fe with me had to beg off. Husband said he'd go, but that meant lining up a babysitter for the weekend. His parents are willing to help, but they're in their 80s now and two active boys for four days is just too much. I had talked to my mom about it and she said she could probably come, but it turned out she had a conflict she had forgotten. So it looked like the must-anticipated trip was a no-go.

And then the phone rang. "I'll come and babysit." So declared my recently-retired father. "You know I don't cook and I don't do laundry or make beds or do dishes, but I do drive and I can get them places on time. If they can eat at IHOP or the fried shrimp place all weekend, I'm your sitter."

And it was so sweet. It seriously almost brought tears to my eyes--that he was willing to drop everything and come down just because he wanted me to be able to do something I wanted to do. And I realized yet again that I am surrounded by people in my life who are warm and caring and thoughtful, and really that's my gift. Not some box with a pretty bow, with yet another pair of earrings.

Family Roles

Big brother is away at sleepaway Marine Biology camp, so little brother is playing at being only brother. It's been fun to see him, usually the go-along kid, get to direct the action. We've gone out a bit, but mainly we've stayed home. He's gotten to always play the wii games he wants to play, and there's no competition--whatever score he gets is the best score of the day. He's loving it. I've cooked his favorite foods and he's gotten to choose what's on TV. He's living large and in-charge.

The fact that he's gotten to switch roles a bit this week reminded me how within a family no one experiences situations and events the same way. We all have our assigned roles and personal experiences that color each and every event. Whatever the truth is, how you as a person experience that event becomes your truth. And that often comes up against other people's truths. It's one factor influencing how siblings can turn out so differently.

I stopped posting personal stuff for a while (well stopped posting) because my mom told me my aunt G was reading my blog. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, because I sometimes use this space for hashing out my internal thoughts and some of those thoughts have to do with family. I didn't really want any family member to think I was unfairly criticizing another. And then I realized, I talk about how I experience situations from my point of view. Someone else's will necessarily be different. But as long as I make it clear that I'm discussing my unique feelings and my unique truth, I can no longer worry about how others receive that information. This is part of my ongoing and long-term struggle to refuse to be responsible for anyone else's emotional health (except for the way I try to help my children).

My sister and I just last night were discussing a childhood event and how we both came away from it having absorbed very different lessons. Much of that difference had to to do with our ages and our different roles within the family. The event was the same, but how we processed it and made it our own was very different. It's had lasting impact on both our lives, but it's been a very different impact.

I'm not sure that's revolutionary or even particularly insightful, but I do think it's fascinating. And Aunt G. if you're reading this, you're welcome to say hi in the comments.

Olive Kitteridge

I don't recommend books all that often. But I found this one by Elizabeth Strout to be worth recommending.

It won the 2009 Pulitzer and I'll have to say, I think it deserves it. A lot of contemporary fiction bogs down and flags toward the end and this one continues strong all the way through, unfolding and enlightening as we learn more about Olive and her fellow Mainers.

The right decision was made by the author to tell Olive's story through connected short stories, rather than as a novel. Olive is a difficult, complicated person and too much of her would have been, well, too much. But she makes an appearance in each of the stories, albeit sometimes just as a thought in people's minds--as a 7th grade math teacher she has had a long-lasting influence on a lot of people. And the characters in the stories are all strong and memorable as well.

I just read a book of short stories by John Updike and I was tired, tired, tired of the sameness of the characters by the end of the book. Almost every story on its own was well done, but as a collection, it was too much the same tale told many ways. In Olive Kitteridge, the characters are varied, from different points in time, and this adds to the many dimensions of the book. She manages this even though, like Updike, all the characters are rooted in a small New England town. Her characters are fuller.

Olive is multi-dimensional and like all of us, neither completely good nor utterly bad. Although neighbors don't understand what her husband sees in her, the two do have an affection that sees them through. She is there for him to the end in a way that many other spouses would not have been.

That said, I almost gasped when I read Olive's son confront her about her inability to apologize. That's something I've struggled with in my own life, as my mother also cannot utter the words "I'm sorry." I couldn't quite believe that someone else had picked up on what a barrier this can be for someone. I think it's just one of the saddest things about mom, as I believe that ability to acknowledge when you've hurt others and then attempt to atone is at the basic core of successful relationships. Without it, you cannot be truly close to others. I've also struggled with whether to confront her about it, and have always decided not to, as at this point, I think it's unrealistic to expect her to change. (btw, I'm not completely comparing my mother and Olive as my mother is much more likeable and warm and supportive and has many positive traits. But this is an unfortunate one they share.)

We get very little hint of what childhood events shaped Olive, and she herself does not believe in therapy or that level of self-reflection. But that confrontation with her son does lead to a deepening self-awareness and a bit of growth.

Anyway, it's a lovely book and I think you should read it too and come back and discuss.

Communication

I realize it's been a while since I posted. Doing lots of thinking on things, but somehow not wanting to write it down. But recently the issue of communication and couple role-shifting has led me to write this actual post. I understand if it's a shock.

My father, after 42 years as a physician and 35 years in one hospital, retired this summer. We have all been eagerly anticipating the day, as the daily grind and the hospital politics were wearing on him more and more each month.

So now that the time is here, he's like a kid who has been let loose in a candy shop. Although instead of tasting from every bin, he wants to go and do all the things he's been denied from all those 12-hour days and weekends on call. He wants to travel (at a breakneck schedule, it seems) and go all the places he's dreamed of since he was a boy.

And for that first little bit, he wanted to go out to lunch. Everyday. Every day for the first two weeks. And it probably goes back to the fact that for all those years, he never could really do what people in office jobs could do, things like going out to lunch, so that's what he wanted to do. But my mother didn't. So she bought sandwich meat for him to try and distract him (she eats yogurt). Needless to say, the package of turkey in the fridge did not seem that exciting to him, so they ended up going out, but she was grumbling about it--about the expense and about the time involved. And my sister and I would counsel her to just relax--he wasn't going to want to go out to lunch every day for the rest of his life, but he did right now. But she was still upset about it (not in a big way, but in that thorn-in-the-side way).

Suddenly, I realized that this was not about lunch, but at core all about how they were readjusting to each other. Their roles are shifting. All of a sudden, he was there. In the house. All day, every day. After decades of not being there. He'd know if she spent the afternoon reading a book. Truthfully, he wouldn't care, but she felt guilty like somehow she should be doing something more important. When in reality, he was in the other room reading too....and could care less that she was reading. But yet, her space was being intruded on--and having to adjust her lunch routine was symbolic of this alien invader that was her husband of 45 years.

We just are back from a week at a beach house, celebrating my dad's retirement and enjoying the summer. And each of them at different times would complain about the other. My dad thinks mom needs to get organized. My mom things my dad is just going a bit nutty. And with each of them, I'd listen a bit, make sympathetic noises and try to redirect them back to the other. My mom is 66 years old and she's never going to be organized. Her scatteredness is part of who she is and dad is going to have to accept it (or drive them both crazy). And she's going to have to realize that he now has more say over her day-to-day life. He wants her to be a part of his days now, instead of just evenings and weekends, and listen--that's pretty incredible, that after 45 years he wants them to still spend time together.

But it's also pretty incredible to me that after 45 years of marriage, they don't know how to communicate their basic needs to each other. Talking to them is a bit like talking to a 13 year old just trying to figure out that whole boy-girl stuff. They will have to learn how to actually talk in a non-emotional, supportive way...and I fully expect a bit of a rocky period here for a while.

I guess life is like that. I've been part of a couple myself for more than 20 years, and our roles have shifted quite a few times already. And even though I'm part of a generation that values communication, figuring out how to talk to my husband in an appropriate way--in a way that iterates what I need without making him feel undervalued--has been tricky (and we've both screwed that up at times). I hope my parents successfully negotiate this set of landmines.

Short Story Recs

Hey, book peeps, got any short story recommendations for me?

I have just worked my way through the entire short story collection of Sherlock Holmes while reading my Kindle at the gym. I've also recently read some stories by Kate Chopin, Isaac Asimov, Peter Tremayne and am currently reading the amazing Unaccustomed Earth by Jhumpa Lahiri (highly recommended by me). Short stories really work for me at the gym and I need something that will keep me moving and not noticing the minutes going by. All suggestions welcome!

So What Are You Doing Today?

I should know that these words are often code for "Can you do me a favor?" Really, I should have it all figured out by now. But somehow, the last two days I've been caught out surprised.

Today, a friend called and asked me to pick up a hot lunch for her son and bring it to the school. It's his birthday and she wanted to surprise him. Yesterday, a different friend wanted me to go by her house, use her hideakey, and rummage around until I found her daughter's gymnastics leotard and bring it when I went to pick the kids up from school. These are not really isolated incidents. I find myself at times picking up forgotten medicine, driving kids other than my own to dance and art and music, picking up friends' sick kids from school, and running by the store for the snack for OM practice that someone else was supposed to bring.

That's part of the deal of when you're primarily a stay-at-home mom, I guess. Everyone thinks you're available to do all the errands and the carpool and whatever needs to be done during the day. To be fair, many of my friends are teachers and it is basically impossible for them to leave work if something has been forgotten that morning. And honestly, I don't really begrudge the time. I tried working full- and part- time after my kids were born and I never really found the balance that worked. Instead, my being at home and picking up occasional freelance writing projects works for my family. Life is less hectic and less crazy without both of us working. And, although we have to be careful and watch what we spend, we do have the means to live on one income and save a bit for retirement and college and still take the occasional vacation. We're lucky.

And that means I have enough time and energy for what needs to be done for my family and a little bit more to share. That's actually something I celebrate. One of my good friends is resigning her teaching job to stay home with her son and homeschool him next year. As I dropped off his lunch today, I said, "next year, you'll be the one getting these frantic calls instead of making them. You watch." She just laughed......and said she couldn't wait.

Twitter my tweets

So I never really got into facebook or myspace, but I am playing with twitter a bit.

If you want to follow me, check me out here. That's one of my other aliases....because why not make it as confusing as possible? The irony of that handle is that I have since given up lattes, so I guess my truth in advertising should be princessdriproast, but it doesn't have the same ring, does it?

If It's Wednesday, There Must Be Kale

We joined a CSA, which stands for Community Supported Agriculture. Basically, you give a local farmer seed money up front, and then you share in his harvest. You also share in the risk of flood, drought, pestilence and assorted other natural disasters. Our reward? Farm-fresh produce, raised less than 75 miles away from my house. On Tuesday, it's in the fields, on Wednesday it's sitting in my kitchen. You really can't get any fresher than that. All organic, all locally-grown.

This is our fourth week of receiving produce. I thought it might be amusing to share what was in the basket this week. It's been changing weekly.

3 pounds of red potatoes
1 pound of button mushrooms
10 of the spiciest radishes ever
Bunch of kale
20 carrots
3 giant Texas sweet onions
a big bag of triple-washed baby salad mix (I am already addicted to this mix)
1 absolutely humongous cucumber
head of broccoli
one yellow squash, one zucchini

No beets this week, for which I am kind of grateful. One of the reasons I wanted to join was to force myself to try different foods, and beets have always been one of my yuck foods. So, I'm happy I tried it, but I still am not in love.

Last week, there was so much kale, I didn't know what to do. I made stir-fried kale with garlic; and a baked potato and kale dish and then I was about out of ideas. So, who knows what I'll try this week--there's a recipe on the internet for baked kale chips that apparently people eat like potato chips, but I'm (to quote Tim Gunn) dubious.

Anyway, if anyone has any absolutely to-die for kale recipes, please feel free to share them. My kids are likely to go on a no-veggie strike if I try to serve kale again too soon, but if it's a kid-friendly recipe, so much the better.

Facebook for Swine Flu

News this morning that they've closed two schools within 5 minutes of us due to suspected cases of the swine flu. This has me contemplating the interconnectedness of it all. There are schoolmates of my kids who have siblings at both the closed schools. And although of course a kid's closest contacts are with his or her classmates, they all play soccer or baseball or go to church youth group or scouts with kids from all over. It's like a giant connected real-life Facebook. We're all friends of friends of friends when it comes right down to it. And though thankfully cases seem mild, they're going to be popping up all over the city. It would be hard to keep track of which schools are closed, except for the fact that I believe they'll end up closing the whole district.

So when will my kids' school close? My money was on next week, but I'm now thinking tomorrow. My children of course are 'devastated' if by devastated you mean looking forward to watching cartoons and playing video games.

Swine Flu

When my youngest son was nineteen months old, he caught pneumonia. He had had a slight cold, but I didn't want him to miss a birthday party, so I took him to the party at the Children's Museum. It was typically crowded, and we spent a good hour playing in the Tot Spot, where the three-and-under crowd congregate. You know the ones that drool all over everything? I suspect that his immune system was slightly weakened from the cold, and the pneumonia-causing bacteria was then able to go straight to his lungs.

He seemed fairly sick. He had a high fever and I took him to the pediatrician. But I was surprised by the pneumonia diagnosis. He got an antibiotic shot. They called the next day to check on him and I told them he was no better, so he came back in for a second shot. Sometimes it takes more than one, they said. But, really, he didn't improve. We were giving him oral antibiotics and inhaled breathing meds too, but nothing seemed to be working. My pediatrician didn't want to hospitalize him, because the hospital was overcrowded and she'd had a couple of patients pick up other diseases in the hospital. So we were trying to manage him at home.

I remember listening to him breathe that Friday night and thinking he was just so ill....I almost took him to the hospital in the middle of the night, but we waited until the morning and took him to the dr.'s office. The pedi on call listened to him, checked his pulse-ox and sent us straight to the hospital. I still didn't think it was that serious, until when we were checking in and they didn't get all our insurance info--they sent us straight back to the respiratory unit and said they'd find us later. At 11:00 that night he had emergency surgery to drain his lung of the accumulated fluid. This operation saved his life and I am hugely grateful to everyone who was willing to open an operating suite in the middle of the night to save our son because he couldn't wait until the morning. After this, we spent a week in Texas Childrens Hospital and were released right before Christmas.

Each day he improved, although he was on five different spectrum antibiotics to knock out the superbug. He had somehow managed to pick up an antibiotic-resistant strain of bacteria, which is why he never responded to the original medication. My father, a practicing pulmonologist for over 35 years, had never seen a case himself, but his grandchild managed to pick up the wrong toy at the wrong time.

The news this morning that a 23 month old has died here in Texas from Swine Flu has stirred these memories. I've been that parent, watching your child struggle to breathe and feeling so helpless. Our story had a happy ending, but if we had waited any longer to go to the hospital, it might have been too late.

There's no real lesson here for swine flu, other than if you feel run down or sick, you probably should stay out of large crowds. I think you're just more vulnerable when your immune system is slightly repressed. And to seek medical help promptly.

Gawdelpus!

I have a Kindle which I adore. I am absolutely not a ga-ga gadget person (cue theme music from Inspector Gadget). I like having a cell phone, because I like to be able to stay in contact and order take-out from the road. But I don't need a cell phone that can do anything other than dial and receive calls (of course, mine has a few more bells and whistles because the husband picked it out).

But the Kindle 2? I just love it (as does the gadget boy I'm married to). If I need something to read for a few minutes between when I arrive at the kids' school to pick them up (must get there early as parking is a mess) and when they get out, it remembers just where I am. There are all these little slots of time in my day that now can be filled with a good story. If I feel like reading something other than the book I have with me, I can quickly call up a different book.

I like to buy short stories, because I read them at the gym. One or two stories (depending on the author) is just about perfect and usually I keep up my workout to finish that story. Luckily, Amazon.com has some reasonable classic fiction--I've gotten books by Isaac Asimov and Kate Chopin for a mere $1.00. There are some really great classic works that somehow I've never gotten around to reading...so I'm enjoying sampling these books.

Today at the Y, I was reading a short story by Peter Tremayne, author of the Sister Fidelma series (which I really like). This particular set of stories feature other characters though. Sister Fidelma is Tremayne's bread-and-butter, and he knows it, but he mentions his great understanding of how Conan Doyle felt. Sometimes you just want to write about something else.

Anyway, in one of the stories, the lead detective is Charles Dickens. And he uses the phrase gawdelpus, which is a mishmash of god help us. I just love it and I think I'm going to be dropping it into my speech from here on out.


Aside: My son's team won the Texas tournament, so it means we're getting ready to go to Iowa at the end of school for the Odyssey of the Mind World Finals. It's a great achievement, and one they've been working towards for four years. The logistical prep has required a lot of time, and what with taxes due and other stuff, I've been swamped. Meaning, I'm not always in my regular haunts...so if you need me, gmail me. Gawdelpus.

The Perfect Spiral

My eleven year old is trying to teach me how to throw a spiral. I grew up in a family of girls and although we played lots of sports, football wasn't one of them. Field hockey, soccer, softball, swimming...we weren't natural athletes, but we gave it our best shot. I definitely grew up football-deficient, having barely thrown the thing a few times at best.

I am a mother to boys, so it's a window into another world that I never saw growing up. We have the broken windows to prove it, but boys are naturally drawn to things they can throw. Right now, we're on spring break and experiencing the perfect weather to be outside...so that means soccer, frisbee, basketball and now football. With the dad figure at work, it fell to me to be the football catch partner.

I'm trying but my spiral's still pretty wobbly. It's just amusing and a total reversal of roles when I get, "Hey, that one's your best yet" or "keep trying, you'll get it." Just proves there's always something to learn.

Happy Pi Day!

As a family of mathmaniacs, we happily celebrate pi day, March 14th. I even have a letterbox to plant, but I'm just not all that interested in sloshing through the rain to plant my homage to the father of geometry.

But, we did have apple PIe as a snack at 1:59 pm. Why then? Math geeks know.

Spring Forward and Fight

As a parent, I really despise the week following the Spring Forward portion of the time change. No one's body automatically resets itself to go to sleep an hour earlier, so both the parent and the kid end up with less sleep than required.

The fact that I'm dragging tired kids out of bed to get them ready for school makes for hard mornings. But the grouchy crankiness is peaking in the afternoon. The last two days post-school have been absolute squabble-fest nightmares. There have been more tears shed in the last two days (and not by me) than there have been in the preceding two months.

Luckily, spring break is coming next week so hopefully everyone can get reset. But I need some patience and perhaps something a little stronger to make it through until then.

Random Violence

The thing about random violence is that it is random, and it is violent. It is also devastating and unbelievably unsettling. And because it is about being in the wrong place at the wrong time, you can't do much about preventing it. You just have to deal with the consequences after the fact.

My family learned this horrid lesson this week an awful way when my aunt was brutally assaulted, although in her case, it turned out the wrong place was her own front yard and the wrong time was late afternoon.

I am having a hard time wrapping my brain around the type of person who could commit such a senseless and inhumane act. I can comprehend the carjacking and the purse-stealing, but I just can't process the brutality of such a severe beating and assault of a nearly 70 year old woman. I just can't imagine the depravity of someone who could do that to someone's grandmother.

That is the terror of random violence.

Buying "right" and the best banana bread

One of the things I've figured out over the last few years is how to better approximate how much food we'll eat and use. I stopped going to Costco; I stopped buying so much food at once. Instead, I now grocery shop twice a week and concentrate on what we actually need for those days. I used to buy large quantities of food and I'd end up throwing too much of it away. I admit to having to throw away leftovers, but rarely now do I toss uncooked meat and vegetables. I still overbuy on fruit, but I'm getting better. I actually found that by shopping my local grocery and buying the correct amounts, I spend less than if I'd bought more food with a discount at the bigger stores.

So that brings me to banana bread. My younger son and I are the big banana consumers in our house. My husband will occasionally eat one smashed with honey on toast, but the little guy and I normally each eat one banana/day. So, I buy accordingly. But, it turns out that some days one of us doesn't really want a banana. So I always have leftover bananas.

As a result, I went on a massive hunt for the best banana bread recipe to use up the leftover bananas. The recipe I'd used for years (I think this was the first banana bread I'd ever made, at the age of 12) was a fairly complicated, multi-step process. It had a lot of ingredients, and although delicious, wasn't something I was eager to make every week. (I can't find a link to the recipe, but sometime I'll post that recipe as I made my mom turn over the Elsah Landing cookbook where I'd found it this Christmas).

Instead, I've subsituted this great recipe from Elise. Her site is fabulous, with lots of delicious recipes. Since I use it as is, rather than reproduce it, I've linked to it, with the added bonus that you can go exploring her great recipes.

Just a couple of notes:

1. I have never tried not to use a wooden spoon.
2. I find that it takes about 50 minutes in my oven.
3. It works best with 3 - 3.5 bananas. You go the full four and you need to make mini muffins out of some, as it overfills the cake pan.
4. I love my silicon loaf pan.
5. Elise says you can reduce the sugar and you definitely can.
6. A couple of times, I haven't stirred it enough after adding the baking soda. Make sure the baking soda is evenly dispersed through the batter, but try not to overwork the batter.
7. Feel free to add in nuts or mini chocolate chips. They make a delicious add-in.

That's all. I have some banana bread in the oven as we speak. Can't wait....

Green Dilemmas

So, like a lot of people, we're trying to lead a greener life. That means many things, but primarily making changes, big and small, in how we live. We try to be more thoughtful consumers; we try to drive less and use less.

Some choices are pretty obvious. I bring my own bags to the store (they're in the car, so even for quick trips to Walgreens I have them available). I look for products with less packaging. I try to cook as much from scratch as possible. We joined a CSA so that we could get produce grown within 70 miles of our home (we have yet to get our first basket, so I can't report on that yet). I combine errands and try to think about how much I drive.

But other choices aren't so obvious.

• Is it using less carbon if I drive the 20 miles to and from the store where I can get locally sourced produce? Or, is it better if I stop at the store a couple blocks away (and where I don't drive out of my way) where the produce has been trucked in from goodness knows where?
• Is it better to support the small local hardware store, even though they probably get their products from the same Chinese manufacturers as a big box store?
• Is organic produce always more green, even if it's been shipped from Mexico?

I just read this book called Farewell My Subaru, where the author moves to a small ranch in Southwest New Mexico and tries to take himself off the grid and make his carbon footprint as small as possible. He talks about some of the conundrums he faces in trying to accomplish his goals of a carbonless lifestyle. If you start to think about it, many of those choices and decisions aren't that clear.

Seriously...it makes my head hurt to think of these things.

Meatballs & Sauce

I tried a new recipe for meatballs yesterday, although I modified it a bit.

Ingredients:
2 slices bread
4 Tablespoons milk
1 cup diced onions
1 tablespoon oil
.5 pound ground beef
.5 pound ground pork
.5 pound ground turkey
1 egg, beaten
1/4 cup parmesan cheese
salt and pepper to taste

Take two pieces of sourdough bread (or any other kind of white bread). Tear into bits and add the milk (mine had a hard crust, so that was better removed). Let the milk and bread sit for about 15 minutes.

In the meantime, saute the onions in the oil until soft (you may add garlic as desired as well). I always pre-cook my onions before adding them to meatloaf or meatballs. That way, the water is already out of them and the loaf or balls hold together much better.

According to the website where I got the original recipe, you can find something called meatloaf mix in the grocery store--equal parts ground beef, pork, and veal. One, I find it hard to eat veal and two, not in my grocery store. I substituted ground turkey and bought about a pound of each of them. I browned the other half pounds (with onion) so that I'd have a chili base all ready for Super Bowl Sunday. If I can make two meals at the same time, believe me, I'm going to.

In a large bowl, combine the meats, milk & bread, egg, parmesan cheese. You may also add any flavors you like. I usually add a bit of chipotle seasoning and some oregano. Other possibilities are parsley, basil, taco seasoning, etc. Use your hands to combine, but try not to overwork the meat. Once combined, use your hands to roll and form meatballs about 1.5 inches in diameters. Place on a cookie sheet covered with rapid release foil (that stuff is the best). Cook in a 400 degree oven for about 25 minutes, turning meatballs once. (check for doneness).


Quick sauce:

Ingredients
Two shallots, sliced thinly
two cloves garlic, crushed and minced
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 28 ounce can crushed tomatoes
oregano & basil to taste
1-2 tablespoons sugar
salt & pepper to taste
crushed red pepper or a dash of hot sauce, to taste & optional

Saute shallots and garlic in oil. When soft, add the crushed tomatoes and the other ingredients. I try to always have cans of crushed tomatoes on hand. This sauce comes together in about 15 minutes, and has much less sugar and sodium (although the tomatoes have more than you might like) than jarred pasta sauce. I prefer the crushed tomatoes just plain, but they do make them with Italian herbs in the can already. I just like adjusting the seasonings myself.

Not Completely Authentic New Mexico Green Chile Stew

Why it's fake (or at least not completely authentic).
- canned, not fresh, fire-roasted green chiles
- no potatoes in the recipe. My 7 year old detests all potatoes, so I left them out. If you don't live with an irrational potato-hater, I recommend cutting up some red potatoes and adding them. They sop up the grease and are really just a classic ingredient for green chile stew.
- It's made in a crock pot. But, you could just as easily make it on the stove top (bring to a boil, then simmer for about 45 minutes). This afternoon, I held a three-hour Odyssey of the Mind practice with my group of 2nd graders and needed dinner to cook unattended. That, and my brain hurt afterwards (my team is all verbal, all the time), so it was mighty helpful that dinner was already prepared. Otherwise, it would have been call-up the pizza man believe-you-me.

So, with that ringing endorsement of me telling you what's wrong the recipe, you're probably wondering why I'm even posting it. It's very easy, family-friendly and the results are delicious. It got thumbs up from the whole family. It took about 20 minutes to prepare, and that's quicker than heating up something frozen. I'll definitely make this one again. It's just not completely 100% authentic...

1 cup diced onions
1 garlic clove, minced
2 7-oz cans green chiles, mild or medium, depending on your preference (my kids mandate mild)
3 slices bacon, cooked & crumbled
1 tablespoon oil
1 1/2 beef stew meat, cubed into 3/4 inch pieces
1 cup tomato puree
1/2 cup beef broth
2 tablespoons taco seasoning


Sear stew meat in a hot skillet with the oil. Place onions and garlic in the bottom of the crock pot. Add the green chiles and then the bacon. Place the meat on top of that mixture. In a separate bowl, mix the tomato, beef broth and seasonings. Adjust seasonings to taste. Pour on top of the meat.

Cook on low for 6 hours or so. Serve with warmed tortillas. You may add condiments such as pico de gallo, sour cream, shredded cheese or avocado as desired.

On a first name basis

Not sure what it means when the glass man pulls up to your house and greets you by name. At this point, he's a familiar face and he remembers all the individual panes he's replaced.

Ah! Boys, soccer balls, windows....I can only hope they grow up to have children of their own.

Where in the World?

Our family puts a lot of emphasis on the new year. We started this because our oldest son was having a lot of trouble trying new things. He was such a perfectionist--he didn't want to do anything he wasn't 100% great at right off the bat. We wanted to show him that even at our ages, we wanted to try new things. So, we started making a big deal about how the new year is your opportunity to have lots of adventures and "firsts."

Every new year, we try to go somewhere we've never been, plan an activity we've never tried and eat a cuisine we've never had before. Some years we spin a globe to find our food; other years we just drive until we see something new.

This is our sixth year with the new year, new food extravaganza. And quite an extravaganza it is, I might add. We usually go to a restaurant and order more than you could possibly eat at one sitting...the point is to sample a little of this, a little of that and to perhaps discover some new favorites. We compliment the kids outrageously on how adventuresome they are...and they really get into the spirit of the whole thing. They try something of everything, no complaints.

Thus far on our culinary adventures, we've tried Chinese, Greek, German, Japanese and Ethiopian. The kids have had at least something they've liked at all the restaurants and they've really expanded their palates. They loved the Ethiopian injera bread; Patrick's favorite sushi is eel; and they both loved potato pancakes with applesauce and spaetzel.

We've been debating what to try this year. Some options are Polish, Russian, Puerto Rican, Korean, Indonesian, or Brazilian. We're lucky enough to live in a city filled with immigrants--so there's almost always a restaurant for any different food. We're open to suggestions and would love to hear any thoughts our friends have for possible adventures.