Santa Fe Update

I'll post pictures later, but just want to give a quick update.

We had so much fun. Our Santa Fe friends (old and new) are so warm and inviting. The event was great; the weather amazingly cooperative. We had a lovely, relaxing time (although my legs are still sore from hiking up a canyon at Bandelier).

And, grandpa-in-charge did fabulously. He managed to get each child where they needed to be on time (well, probably almost an hour early, but that didn't hurt anyone). Great job all around!

New Mexico Dinner Cornbread

I thought I had blogged this recipe at one point, but I couldn't find it. I really should tag my entries for easier searching, but I forget. Last night, I tweeted about it and had multiple requests, so I just decided to post it for others. This recipe is adapted from a great cause and a favorite cookbook, Seasons of Santa Fe. Buying this cookbook supports the work of Kitchen Angels, an organization that helps provide food for those homebound and in need. A friend of mine (Astro D for those that know her) volunteers there, and I'm thrilled to plug it whenever possible.

First, just a word about spice. My kids don't care for it; the husband and I do. So, to compensate and please multiple palates I do strange things. If your family is all on the same page, spice-wise, life is easier. But, in spite of the mini-contortions, it's a one-dish meal. Add a good green salad and you're all set.


Ingredients:

1 pound lean ground beef
1 medium onion
2 to 4 cloves of garlic, minced
spices, to taste (1 tsp ground cumin, 1 teaspoon oregano, ground pepper)
1 recipe cornbread batter (follows)
1 1/2 cups frozen corn
1 7 oz can green chile
1/2 cup cheddar cheese

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

Tonight I used a combination of mild italian sausage (not in a casing, the kind you get in a shrinkwrapped pack) and lean ground beef. It doesn't really matter which meats you use--this happened to be what I had leftover, already cooked in the fridge, from spaghetti a few nights ago. You want to saute a combined total of about a pound of meat, with the medium onion, thinly diced (this meat actually also had finally diced carrots in it as well). Add garlic and whatever spicing your family likes, and cook for a few more minutes. If everyone likes green chiles add one 7 oz can when you add the spices, otherwise stay tuned. Drain the fat, and then set aside.

Cornbread recipe
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup corn meal
1/4 cup sugar (you can use less, but I always use at least 1/8 c because that's how we do it in the South)
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 c skim milk
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 egg, beaten


To the cornbread mixture, add 1 1/2 cups frozen corn. Oil a 8x8 pan (or 9x9) or a cast iron skillet--your preference. Add half of the corn/cornbread mixture. Sprinkle the meat mixture evenly on top of the cornbread batter. Then, add the green chiles. I put chiles only on half of the cornbread dish because the small people who inhabit the house have not yet developed their taste for spice (I reserve a few so I can put them on top to mark the boundary of the chile side and don't get them mixed up).

Next, sprinkle the cheese evenly over the meat mixture; finally, top with the remaining cornbread batter. Bake for 50 minutes until lightly golden. You can garnish with sour cream or salsa. My husband and I like green chile enchilada sauce poured over the top, but the children once again are suspicious of that green spicy stuff (which isn't even that spicy). They like theirs plain. One dish, multiple tastes. Everyone eats happily.

You can vary the meats and vegetables, and it's a surprisingly versatile dish. The kids like it a lot. A good way to use up odds-and-ends leftover meat and vegetables as you can vary what you include and change the spicing to fit the ingredients. It feeds all four of us, with plenty of leftovers.

Upsy Daisy

School starts next week. We're trying to get on a more school-friendly sleep schedule than the later nights and sleepy mornings we've been indulging in over the course of the summer.

My older son is a morning person. He has been going to lacrosse camp this week, which means he needs to be at the junior high at 7:30 am. This hasn't been a problem for him, as he's been up by 6:15 every morning this week. Thanks to lacrosse, soccer and the 90-degree plus heat, he's been going to sleep fairly easily too--completely zonked out at 8:30 pm last night.

My younger son is a night owl. He has trouble sleeping at night, and he likes nothing more than to stay in bed until 9 am, drowsily waking up and lolling in bed. So to acclimate him, I've been getting him up 15 minutes earlier each morning. Today was 7:30...tomorrow 7:15...then 7:00....until we hit the 6:45 that is required if he is to leave the house at 7:20 for school.

Shifting away from summer is brutal for us all. I was asleep myself at 9:30 last night because I've been getting up at 6am to get the lacrosse stuff ready. I love the lazier tempo of summer and I'm mourning it coming to an end. Summer is hot and sultry around here, but that just adds to the slower pace of our life that I find so enjoyable during those months.

Difficult People

I've started doing some freelance writing for a new client. After I quit my job, I did quite a bit of freelancing. But I found it was hard to manage--I couldn't get the kids settled and everything organized to make it work. So, I pretty much stopped, other than a few long-term clients that I've worked for sporadically over the years. But, I've toyed with going back to work part-time or working harder to add new clients now that the boys are older and it's easier to entertain them while I work at home (and they're in school much of the year). This year, thanks to the economy, the husband is not anticipating a bonus at the end of the year. We use that bonus money to pay for extras for the kids throughout the year, so any money I could earn would be a help.

This new client sort of fell in my lap, and I finished my first project for them last week. It was a grant, and my primary background and field is non-profit marketing and communications. I hadn't actually written a grant in over 15 years, but it seemed like a good fit. I liked all of the people at the organization and it seemed like a good place doing good work.

But (and of course there's always a but), the personal dynamics of the situation were crazy. My liaison, who I truly liked on first meeting, turned out to be a first-rate sabotageur. I didn't get all the information I needed; and I couldn't get feedback on work partially finished until the very last minute when we were in danger of not meeting the deadline. But completely worse and extremely difficult from my point of view--she flat-out lied to others about what I had been told and what information I had been given. I considered quitting part-way through, but I decided I needed to suck it up and finish. I was proud of the job I did, because my contact made that assignment easily twice as hard as it needed to be.

And now, there's apparently more work. I was kind of torn, because that would be plunging back into the dragon's den. But, simply because of the money and because I'm just starting out again, I want to try and make it work. My husband has said I can vent to him if need be.

But I'm curious if others have tricks for working with particularly difficult people who seem nice on the surface but turn out to be all kinds of crazy beneath that surface. I've figured out I need to write down and keep a log of absolutely everything that is said. But how else do I manage this situation a little more proactively to keep myself from going nuts?

Small Gifts

I had to sort of relearn an old lesson recently.

A week ago Sunday was my birthday. The husband and I had an agreement that there'd be no presents. We just bought a refrigerator and I want to go on a weekend trip next month, so I didn't want to spend the money. It's better that way anyway. I learned with my husband long ago that he gets really stressed out picking gifts. That used to mean that he'd overthink it and I wouldn't get anything. The first few years, I found this royally upsetting. But then, I realized that I'd rather have someone who is thoughtful every other day of the year than someone who makes a big deal once a year. My husband is the kind that gets down on the floor and plays with the kids, the kind who folds laundry without complaining, and the kind who'll take my car to get washed just because. I've learned to really appreciate that sort of generosity of spirit.

Most of my friends have switched to email and ecards. Which is fine, I do it too. But there's nothing to open. And I'm sort of a bit over-the-top about my birthday and I love to have a present to open.

But, because of that, I was sort of counting on my family to come through with birthday acknowledgements--presents, cards, the like. First was a call from my mother-in-law, letting me know that she was sending me something, but it'd be a little late. But there was still my parents and sister, right? Saturday's mail came and went, with no cards, no presents, no anything.

I admit it, I let it get to me. In fact, I sort of got in a funk about it. So when they called on my actual birthday, I didn't pick up the phone and talk to them. It was such an immature thing to do and honestly, it didn't make me feel any better. But I was nursing my little hurt. I am not at all proud of how I felt and how I let it affect me.

And then birthday night, my girlfriend who I was hoping would go to Santa Fe with me had to beg off. Husband said he'd go, but that meant lining up a babysitter for the weekend. His parents are willing to help, but they're in their 80s now and two active boys for four days is just too much. I had talked to my mom about it and she said she could probably come, but it turned out she had a conflict she had forgotten. So it looked like the must-anticipated trip was a no-go.

And then the phone rang. "I'll come and babysit." So declared my recently-retired father. "You know I don't cook and I don't do laundry or make beds or do dishes, but I do drive and I can get them places on time. If they can eat at IHOP or the fried shrimp place all weekend, I'm your sitter."

And it was so sweet. It seriously almost brought tears to my eyes--that he was willing to drop everything and come down just because he wanted me to be able to do something I wanted to do. And I realized yet again that I am surrounded by people in my life who are warm and caring and thoughtful, and really that's my gift. Not some box with a pretty bow, with yet another pair of earrings.

Family Roles

Big brother is away at sleepaway Marine Biology camp, so little brother is playing at being only brother. It's been fun to see him, usually the go-along kid, get to direct the action. We've gone out a bit, but mainly we've stayed home. He's gotten to always play the wii games he wants to play, and there's no competition--whatever score he gets is the best score of the day. He's loving it. I've cooked his favorite foods and he's gotten to choose what's on TV. He's living large and in-charge.

The fact that he's gotten to switch roles a bit this week reminded me how within a family no one experiences situations and events the same way. We all have our assigned roles and personal experiences that color each and every event. Whatever the truth is, how you as a person experience that event becomes your truth. And that often comes up against other people's truths. It's one factor influencing how siblings can turn out so differently.

I stopped posting personal stuff for a while (well stopped posting) because my mom told me my aunt G was reading my blog. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, because I sometimes use this space for hashing out my internal thoughts and some of those thoughts have to do with family. I didn't really want any family member to think I was unfairly criticizing another. And then I realized, I talk about how I experience situations from my point of view. Someone else's will necessarily be different. But as long as I make it clear that I'm discussing my unique feelings and my unique truth, I can no longer worry about how others receive that information. This is part of my ongoing and long-term struggle to refuse to be responsible for anyone else's emotional health (except for the way I try to help my children).

My sister and I just last night were discussing a childhood event and how we both came away from it having absorbed very different lessons. Much of that difference had to to do with our ages and our different roles within the family. The event was the same, but how we processed it and made it our own was very different. It's had lasting impact on both our lives, but it's been a very different impact.

I'm not sure that's revolutionary or even particularly insightful, but I do think it's fascinating. And Aunt G. if you're reading this, you're welcome to say hi in the comments.

Olive Kitteridge

I don't recommend books all that often. But I found this one by Elizabeth Strout to be worth recommending.

It won the 2009 Pulitzer and I'll have to say, I think it deserves it. A lot of contemporary fiction bogs down and flags toward the end and this one continues strong all the way through, unfolding and enlightening as we learn more about Olive and her fellow Mainers.

The right decision was made by the author to tell Olive's story through connected short stories, rather than as a novel. Olive is a difficult, complicated person and too much of her would have been, well, too much. But she makes an appearance in each of the stories, albeit sometimes just as a thought in people's minds--as a 7th grade math teacher she has had a long-lasting influence on a lot of people. And the characters in the stories are all strong and memorable as well.

I just read a book of short stories by John Updike and I was tired, tired, tired of the sameness of the characters by the end of the book. Almost every story on its own was well done, but as a collection, it was too much the same tale told many ways. In Olive Kitteridge, the characters are varied, from different points in time, and this adds to the many dimensions of the book. She manages this even though, like Updike, all the characters are rooted in a small New England town. Her characters are fuller.

Olive is multi-dimensional and like all of us, neither completely good nor utterly bad. Although neighbors don't understand what her husband sees in her, the two do have an affection that sees them through. She is there for him to the end in a way that many other spouses would not have been.

That said, I almost gasped when I read Olive's son confront her about her inability to apologize. That's something I've struggled with in my own life, as my mother also cannot utter the words "I'm sorry." I couldn't quite believe that someone else had picked up on what a barrier this can be for someone. I think it's just one of the saddest things about mom, as I believe that ability to acknowledge when you've hurt others and then attempt to atone is at the basic core of successful relationships. Without it, you cannot be truly close to others. I've also struggled with whether to confront her about it, and have always decided not to, as at this point, I think it's unrealistic to expect her to change. (btw, I'm not completely comparing my mother and Olive as my mother is much more likeable and warm and supportive and has many positive traits. But this is an unfortunate one they share.)

We get very little hint of what childhood events shaped Olive, and she herself does not believe in therapy or that level of self-reflection. But that confrontation with her son does lead to a deepening self-awareness and a bit of growth.

Anyway, it's a lovely book and I think you should read it too and come back and discuss.