Family Roles

Big brother is away at sleepaway Marine Biology camp, so little brother is playing at being only brother. It's been fun to see him, usually the go-along kid, get to direct the action. We've gone out a bit, but mainly we've stayed home. He's gotten to always play the wii games he wants to play, and there's no competition--whatever score he gets is the best score of the day. He's loving it. I've cooked his favorite foods and he's gotten to choose what's on TV. He's living large and in-charge.

The fact that he's gotten to switch roles a bit this week reminded me how within a family no one experiences situations and events the same way. We all have our assigned roles and personal experiences that color each and every event. Whatever the truth is, how you as a person experience that event becomes your truth. And that often comes up against other people's truths. It's one factor influencing how siblings can turn out so differently.

I stopped posting personal stuff for a while (well stopped posting) because my mom told me my aunt G was reading my blog. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, because I sometimes use this space for hashing out my internal thoughts and some of those thoughts have to do with family. I didn't really want any family member to think I was unfairly criticizing another. And then I realized, I talk about how I experience situations from my point of view. Someone else's will necessarily be different. But as long as I make it clear that I'm discussing my unique feelings and my unique truth, I can no longer worry about how others receive that information. This is part of my ongoing and long-term struggle to refuse to be responsible for anyone else's emotional health (except for the way I try to help my children).

My sister and I just last night were discussing a childhood event and how we both came away from it having absorbed very different lessons. Much of that difference had to to do with our ages and our different roles within the family. The event was the same, but how we processed it and made it our own was very different. It's had lasting impact on both our lives, but it's been a very different impact.

I'm not sure that's revolutionary or even particularly insightful, but I do think it's fascinating. And Aunt G. if you're reading this, you're welcome to say hi in the comments.