Drama Incarnated

There's this woman I'll call Difficult Lady. She's older, in her sixties, and is a neighbor of my in-laws. She is on her third husband. She is not welcome at her daughter's house for any holiday because she is, well, difficult. She's opinionated and brash and argumentative. Other people's points of view are stupid and wrong and even though she's an immigrant herself, she firmly believes that immigrants are ruining this country. And all of these opinions are expressed loudly and firmly and anyone who doesn't agree with her 100% is evil and stupid.

A few years ago, Difficult Lady started inviting herself to our family Christmas Eves at my in-laws house. One year she completely and totally insulted and offended my sister, so ever since, my sister (and parents) won't go to my in-laws for Christmas Eve (we are all together Christmas Day at our house). I don't want to deprive my mother-in-law of her grandchildren on a special day, so my nuclear family still goes. Last year, I asked my mother-in-law to please speak with DL, and ask her to make a special effort. She did, and the result was that DL had a huge row with her husband in front of us all and then spent the rest of the evening saying how horrible he was. It was just Drama with a Capital D. DL clearly relishes being the center of the universe and one way or another, she's going to be.

This year, we wanted to spend Thanksgiving with my in-laws, in addition to our normal Christmas Eve at their house and Christmas Day at our house. We invited them over, and the MIL hemmed and hawed. Yesterday, we had the conversation. It turns out that she wants us to come over and be with DL and her kooky, equally crankpot husband for Thanksgiving now too. She feels so sorry for her as she has nowhere to go. Yes, this crazy, difficult lady has nowhere to go because her own relatives aren't talking to her! I don't think this is my problem!

I told my mother in law that for her sake I would spend one holiday with DL, but that I didn't think it was fair to spend both. I asked her to pick which one she wanted and she sort of stammered and made it clear that she thinks we should come for both. I countered that if she was looking for a way to get out of having Difficult Lady for Thanksgiving, to just tell DL that they were coming over here for the day (and then I could do all the cooking). But, DL has her hooks in my MIL but good, and she emotionally manipulates my mother in law so severely that she can't actually say no to her. So we sort of are at a stale mate.

So my question is, my friends, do I just put up with it? Being around this woman is never enjoyable; it's always awful. Why should all my holidays be spent with someone who is not a blood relative and who finds a way to ruin them, either by insulting other guests or instituting some drama? Or do we go over there for Thanksgiving and then make other plans for Christmas Eve? Or do we just refuse to spend any of them with her?

But, it's my mother in law, who I do love, and who is 80 years old and can't do confrontation. I love my husband; is doing this for his mother too much to ask? Or should I demand that I have holidays free from crazy drama of people who are not actually relatives (the relative drama you have to put up with)?

Help me figure out what to do!!!!

Life is Too Short for Mediocre Coffee

Meatballs are in the oven, so I have a few minutes to type rapidly while they cook.

• Wednesdays are a hugely busy day for me, so it helps to have dinner made in the morning. I am of the school of pre-cooking onions for the meatballs/meatloaf. I think it gets the moisture out and helps your meat creations stick together. Others put the onions in raw. I believe this is wrong but it's not a criminal offense and wouldn't be a barrier to our friendship.
  
• I have been drinking store brand coffee to try and save a little money. There was a trip to the ER and some dental work and I was trying to keep the month's budget balanced. I use the HEB brand (our local store) and I have to say, it's better than a lot of cheap coffees around. But, I don't look forward to my morning cup. It's more of an okay, hmm, coffee's ready. Not an anticipatory pleasure of the first sip. I rate it a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10. So, today I treated myself to local roasted coffee (within the last month) that I just love. Maybe that's not somewhere where I can shave off money? Anyway, suggestions of delicious cheap coffee to try would be welcome because I'll brew anything at least once.
  
• I tried this recipe from Pioneer Woman. Thumbs up all around from the crew here. Only difference was that I used the thinly sliced chicken breast offered at my store rather than pounding larger breasts.
  
• I sometimes have to chuckle with the way husbands and wives use the same language for widely different results. To me, doing the dishes means rinsing them and putting them in the dishwasher, culminating in turning on the dishwasher if it is full. To my husband, doing the dishes means rinsing the dishes and stacking them in the right side of the sink. He must think there's a dish fairy who magically comes in the morning and puts them in the dishwasher. Oh wait, I guess there is. Of course, to be fair, my idea of doing laundry means doing the washing and drying. Not the folding. That's a separate job and is pretty much his in our household. That's what he gets for being an engineer who can fold precisely and letting me know early on that I didn't measure up. Instead, an armchair full of clean clothes awaits his return from work. Of course, putting up the clothes is considered a third job and is pretty much up for grabs.
  

And now my house smells of deliciously browned meatballs. Must get back to real life. I miss you my friends!!!!

Mama learns a lesson

We've been having a lot of trouble with our soon-to-be 12 year old son. He's been distracted, sleepy, forgetful, etc. He can barely drag himself out of bed in the morning. His normal MO is to be up at 6, so this can't-get-out-of-bed kid seems foreign to us. And he has been forgetting assignments and having a hard time focusing. It's very un-mushroomhunter behavior.

Suddenly, last night, I remembered that we had had put him back on his asthma meds a few weeks ago and that we had experienced the exact same set of problems the last time he had had an episode during the school year (the problems are less noticeable during summer). We'd been pretty diligent about the asthma meds because we didn't want weak lungs during this swine flu outbreak.

Oh, she realized in a rush, this behavior is not his fault and he isn't the throes of some sort of strange and awful middle school phase. He's having a physiological reaction to strong drugs. Is it no wonder that illegal drugs can have such an effect if readily-prescribed drugs alter the body's chemistry so much? I really don't think enough attention is paid to side effects, particularly in a growing child. It's a delicate balance to get it right.

Now I feel bad about getting so mad at him. But hopefully the new organizational tools we've put in place to combat his lack of focus will be of some help to him, even after he has regained full use of his brain.

Santa Fe Update

I'll post pictures later, but just want to give a quick update.

We had so much fun. Our Santa Fe friends (old and new) are so warm and inviting. The event was great; the weather amazingly cooperative. We had a lovely, relaxing time (although my legs are still sore from hiking up a canyon at Bandelier).

And, grandpa-in-charge did fabulously. He managed to get each child where they needed to be on time (well, probably almost an hour early, but that didn't hurt anyone). Great job all around!

New Mexico Dinner Cornbread

I thought I had blogged this recipe at one point, but I couldn't find it. I really should tag my entries for easier searching, but I forget. Last night, I tweeted about it and had multiple requests, so I just decided to post it for others. This recipe is adapted from a great cause and a favorite cookbook, Seasons of Santa Fe. Buying this cookbook supports the work of Kitchen Angels, an organization that helps provide food for those homebound and in need. A friend of mine (Astro D for those that know her) volunteers there, and I'm thrilled to plug it whenever possible.

First, just a word about spice. My kids don't care for it; the husband and I do. So, to compensate and please multiple palates I do strange things. If your family is all on the same page, spice-wise, life is easier. But, in spite of the mini-contortions, it's a one-dish meal. Add a good green salad and you're all set.


Ingredients:

1 pound lean ground beef
1 medium onion
2 to 4 cloves of garlic, minced
spices, to taste (1 tsp ground cumin, 1 teaspoon oregano, ground pepper)
1 recipe cornbread batter (follows)
1 1/2 cups frozen corn
1 7 oz can green chile
1/2 cup cheddar cheese

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

Tonight I used a combination of mild italian sausage (not in a casing, the kind you get in a shrinkwrapped pack) and lean ground beef. It doesn't really matter which meats you use--this happened to be what I had leftover, already cooked in the fridge, from spaghetti a few nights ago. You want to saute a combined total of about a pound of meat, with the medium onion, thinly diced (this meat actually also had finally diced carrots in it as well). Add garlic and whatever spicing your family likes, and cook for a few more minutes. If everyone likes green chiles add one 7 oz can when you add the spices, otherwise stay tuned. Drain the fat, and then set aside.

Cornbread recipe
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup corn meal
1/4 cup sugar (you can use less, but I always use at least 1/8 c because that's how we do it in the South)
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 c skim milk
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 egg, beaten


To the cornbread mixture, add 1 1/2 cups frozen corn. Oil a 8x8 pan (or 9x9) or a cast iron skillet--your preference. Add half of the corn/cornbread mixture. Sprinkle the meat mixture evenly on top of the cornbread batter. Then, add the green chiles. I put chiles only on half of the cornbread dish because the small people who inhabit the house have not yet developed their taste for spice (I reserve a few so I can put them on top to mark the boundary of the chile side and don't get them mixed up).

Next, sprinkle the cheese evenly over the meat mixture; finally, top with the remaining cornbread batter. Bake for 50 minutes until lightly golden. You can garnish with sour cream or salsa. My husband and I like green chile enchilada sauce poured over the top, but the children once again are suspicious of that green spicy stuff (which isn't even that spicy). They like theirs plain. One dish, multiple tastes. Everyone eats happily.

You can vary the meats and vegetables, and it's a surprisingly versatile dish. The kids like it a lot. A good way to use up odds-and-ends leftover meat and vegetables as you can vary what you include and change the spicing to fit the ingredients. It feeds all four of us, with plenty of leftovers.

Upsy Daisy

School starts next week. We're trying to get on a more school-friendly sleep schedule than the later nights and sleepy mornings we've been indulging in over the course of the summer.

My older son is a morning person. He has been going to lacrosse camp this week, which means he needs to be at the junior high at 7:30 am. This hasn't been a problem for him, as he's been up by 6:15 every morning this week. Thanks to lacrosse, soccer and the 90-degree plus heat, he's been going to sleep fairly easily too--completely zonked out at 8:30 pm last night.

My younger son is a night owl. He has trouble sleeping at night, and he likes nothing more than to stay in bed until 9 am, drowsily waking up and lolling in bed. So to acclimate him, I've been getting him up 15 minutes earlier each morning. Today was 7:30...tomorrow 7:15...then 7:00....until we hit the 6:45 that is required if he is to leave the house at 7:20 for school.

Shifting away from summer is brutal for us all. I was asleep myself at 9:30 last night because I've been getting up at 6am to get the lacrosse stuff ready. I love the lazier tempo of summer and I'm mourning it coming to an end. Summer is hot and sultry around here, but that just adds to the slower pace of our life that I find so enjoyable during those months.

Difficult People

I've started doing some freelance writing for a new client. After I quit my job, I did quite a bit of freelancing. But I found it was hard to manage--I couldn't get the kids settled and everything organized to make it work. So, I pretty much stopped, other than a few long-term clients that I've worked for sporadically over the years. But, I've toyed with going back to work part-time or working harder to add new clients now that the boys are older and it's easier to entertain them while I work at home (and they're in school much of the year). This year, thanks to the economy, the husband is not anticipating a bonus at the end of the year. We use that bonus money to pay for extras for the kids throughout the year, so any money I could earn would be a help.

This new client sort of fell in my lap, and I finished my first project for them last week. It was a grant, and my primary background and field is non-profit marketing and communications. I hadn't actually written a grant in over 15 years, but it seemed like a good fit. I liked all of the people at the organization and it seemed like a good place doing good work.

But (and of course there's always a but), the personal dynamics of the situation were crazy. My liaison, who I truly liked on first meeting, turned out to be a first-rate sabotageur. I didn't get all the information I needed; and I couldn't get feedback on work partially finished until the very last minute when we were in danger of not meeting the deadline. But completely worse and extremely difficult from my point of view--she flat-out lied to others about what I had been told and what information I had been given. I considered quitting part-way through, but I decided I needed to suck it up and finish. I was proud of the job I did, because my contact made that assignment easily twice as hard as it needed to be.

And now, there's apparently more work. I was kind of torn, because that would be plunging back into the dragon's den. But, simply because of the money and because I'm just starting out again, I want to try and make it work. My husband has said I can vent to him if need be.

But I'm curious if others have tricks for working with particularly difficult people who seem nice on the surface but turn out to be all kinds of crazy beneath that surface. I've figured out I need to write down and keep a log of absolutely everything that is said. But how else do I manage this situation a little more proactively to keep myself from going nuts?