Acceptable Risk

My boys were playing Risk this morning (a game I never got into as a kid), and that got me thinking about risk, risky behavior and what is acceptable risk.

As a parent, you want to help engender enough risk taking behavior that your kids feel like they can spread their wings and really fly, but not so much that they end up in a crumpled heap of metal by the side of the road because they took one colossally stupid risk too many. That balance, and how to help your kids understand even about balance itself, it is one tricky parental tightrope.

My younger one seems to have it naturally down. He will try new foods and experiences eagerly. Broken arm notwithstanding, he's also not flying off the garage roof in constant search of an adrenaline rush. My older one, well, that's the hard one. He is a perfectionist and doesn't want to try things he's not naturally good at. He's been naturally talented at a lot of things, so that behavior has been heightened. This year, this attitude seems to be finally loosening up, moderating quite a bit. Besides just maturity, I credit a few things:

• He's been lucky enough to have one of those tough, tough teachers this year (hopefully the kind you remember for a lifetime). Not only has he gotten his first-ever B on an assignment, he's even gotten a C. For a kid who skated by with 100s on nearly everything, this has been a shock to the system. But, he's learned that you can make a 78 on one paper and still make an A for the quarter. You work a little harder (a little more carefully) and you can do it.
  

• Odyssey of the Mind has been terrific for him. Last year they did a Balsa project and this year they are working on the vehicle problem. Like last year at this time, they are struggling mightily--to get along, to make it work, to come to a group consensus. This struggle is powerful for him--it shows him that with resilience, you work through your problems, and that you don't give up because something is difficult.

• Art class. He has been blessed with a wonderful art teacher who has taught him new ways to look at things. In art, there are no bad risks. Everything you try has value.
  

• Parental praise for new things. He and I went out solo for sushi last week. A few years ago, I wouldn't have thought that kid and I would be sitting at the sushi bar, asking the chef for things like octopus to try and enjoy. He had a glorious time and was so proud of himself for trying everything.

Anyway, the beat goes on. One day at a time.